i like it here

After 59 days

"Zane, food ha. Meeting tomorrow at 10am, just prepare food and coffee"

If it was said in a higher, lower, perkier, happier, serious-er, whatever voice, I still would have wanted to kick her white princessy heinie to high heavens.

It would be sooo much easier if she were a mean bitch who takes it personal (all the time). She can be nice...just such a primadonna most of the time. She's like the rest of those "empowered" women who expect to be pampered and royally treated by everybody around them. And if they don't get treated like that by, say, a suitor, they are rejected for "not exerting enough effort".

crud.

there are people who want the whole world to say "thank god you were born! i will do anything just to be under your illuminating, inspiring, goddess-like beauty". and then there are people who hate (hate, hate, hate with a capital H) those who won't do any "below my class and stature" activity.

i hate it when people think that their presence alone does wonders and heightens morale in the workplace...especially when its the opposite.

but the stupid corporate arena gives points to pretty faces in "empowered, authoritative" packages...and you think that people, especially in media, know more than to be persuaded by neat ribbons and wrappers.

after almost two months of being told, still not promoted. that's alright. if she didn't turn over decision-making and what seems like the whole office operation to me. i enjoy that kind of management aspect, but i should at least be given a raise. i am doing the work of someone way above my station, using most intellectual, physical and emotional resources i have (and continue running out of). even cellphone resources, abono sa kung anu-ano (pero in fairness nire-reimburse din naman)! it's not fair, they are making a fool out of me. not a word. wala na kong narinig ulit since the first week of january. fucksticks. i am using personal time that can be spent with god, family and friends because you bait me with the possibility, and i want to bite because i need as much progress in business or in finances as i can.

i am so tired. i just want to stop thinking about problems. if i just needed a job to pay for my cellphone, the occasional gimmick and contribute some to the house, it would be almost perfect.

in any case, at least i've accepted that yes, i am carrying a heavy personal burden. it sorta makes the load a little lighter. accepting that i am having a hard time because there's something else i have to carry. i guess, naiinggit lang ako sa mga kaibigan ko na kahit maliit ang sweldo, masaya dahil pwede na sa pamilya nila yung mag-contribute ng pera monthly. sigh. washing my laundry in public again.

i better go before it gets any more melodramatic (and longer) than this.

"Now curl your body like a snake..."

thanks to the persuasive powers of the great pat-san, i recently signed up for gym membership to...nakanangtutsa...fitness first.

seems like a good deal for its price. the classes seem really nice and the people--members and trainers alike--give off a nice warm vibe.

and the classes!!! wow, the classes are something i've always wanted to look for. there are a lot of dance-sounding classes. (fitness first should give me free membership for endorsing them :D)

the major problem is finding the time to go. with my effing work schedule and all. in any case, i'm hoping that even if i don't get to go regularly, i'll still slim down because of the money i'm spending on monthly fee.

heeee.

election cheese

to be honest about it, i have no idea how to start writing today's blog.

i feel wretched.

so what else is new?

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many of my friends are going to try the abroad adventure. some have left already. now i hear about another one who has plans to leave. i dont begrudge them for it. i just feel a little hopeless, seeing how these intelligent, passionate people find it hopeless too. most of them will be coming back after they've saved up enough money and i'm happy about that. but does it really take leaving to succeed? or is it really that bad in the philippines?

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the red day is actually blue.
valentines never mattered that much to me. until now.
i wonder why.
i miss random smiles thrown just because.

i hate hbo. i hate jude law. i hate lord of the rings. i hate cheesy food.
yes, i feel like eric on wasted.
i just had my period two weeks ago so it cant be pms.
i hate how i'm feeling very hostile today.
what a sap.

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tosser.

whoever invented the blog must have been a very popular and confident person. i read the blogs of people i know and i cant help but compare... not who writes better or which blog is most entertaining. i compare how they talk about people and it can be funny and interesting :)

you just hope to death that those who talk well about their loved ones mean what they post and those who dont dont mean it.

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happy hearts day!
"there is nothing more dangerous in the world than a bored kender" --dragonlance

sometimes i wonder if my imagination can sustain me for the next coupla.

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hug?