i like it here

wow, two posts in one day, this one must be really important...

please pray that i have safe flights. going to HK and China on assignment. and y'all know how i luuuuurve flying...

corny ako eh. i'm not the best catholic/christian but i feel better knowing i have people praying for me =D

thank you!

here i go...

was lucky enough to see four movies this month, the last three in as many days =D.

casanova vs. capote:
truth be told, and as much as i love phillip seymour hoffman, i felt that his performance in the movie wasn't mind-blowing. my guess is that his was just the best among this year' crop, thus the oscar trophy.

but the script was good, though. it was interesting to see how the author went about writing his last book. it was a quiet character portrait that left viewers thinking, but not much longer after seing it (say 30 minutes, at most). though interesting and entertaining, it didn't leave me with a strong impression about the character. capote is a slow, disquieting ride that managed to wimp out just right at the end.

casanova, meanwhile, was one of those self-conscious movies that (luckily) succeeds to be fun and gen-x-witty (most of the time). two scenes had me and cel laughing our asses off. if you enjoyed pirates of the caribbean (who didn't?), you'll enjoy this about half as much, which is still good considering how rip-roaring awesome POTC is (can't wait for part two!).

unlike capote, this movie left me with a strong impression: heath ledger should leave the wig-wearing to blonder boys.

she's the man:
i wanted to see this because i like amanda bynes, she's OA but in a funny, wholesome way. but it was one of those things you usually plan to see on DVD na lang.

but my sister's and i felt like watching a movie so off we went, this seemed to be the best choice for harassed workers like me and ate agnes and diligent students like kay.

of course, the girl made the movie. we all know what happens and all that, but people see it to watch gender-bending bynes (alliteration!). and isn't she funny!!! i actually have a crush on the boy version. ang galing niya talaga, nagulat ako =D

very light, very brainless, almost ditzy, damn funny for a romantic teen movie.

v for vendetta:
saving the best for last. i remember telling pats before she left (scooby-doo, where are you?) that i might not watch this for fear of disappointment. like most of my friends, i thought the book was amazing (although i read it right after reading 1984, so parang di kasing "ay pucha ang galing anak ng 'wets" ang reaction ko sa book. but i still found it mighty impressive.).

but she was able to score me free tickets, c/o the ever effervescent and generous gentleman EJ. and i went.

right at the start, i thought it would be respectable.

surprisingly, i was impressed. i was really expecting an over SFX-ed movie with philosophical-political mumbo-jumbo, no justice to the written masterpiece. glad i was wrong.

hugo weaving used most of his theater training here to portray the renegade V. ms. portman was good, too (although, i'm aching to see her play a really ugly persona. i want to see a character of hers that i will love to hate.).

i thought the liberties the wachowski brothers took with the original story were mostly justified, given the translation to a more popular medium. my only gripe is this: the focus on a single totalitarian antagonist instead of on a state that is oppressive. i understand that current political situations influenced this decision. still, i think moviegoers would appreciate V more as a political reaction than a persona if the film showed how controlling the state was. wala lang, feeling ko mas food for thought yun kapag ganun.

(another malabo post brought to you by the lack of proper hydration)

sometimes i wonder what it is, really, that matters in friendships and other kinds of relationships...

i'd like to think i'm a nice girl. sometimes, a little boring and traditional. the one time i try to be "existential", my life went spiralling out of control and i lost something precious. i like some edgy things but i'm generally not as edgy as the artists and rockers and poets and all those other people who hate greenbelt 3.

i really wonder if i have to be the reasonable kind of bitch (you know the type, most modern women are) in order to get what i want.

i told a good friend a couple of weeks ago, "maybe i should have been bitchier. like whine or magparinig kung hindi ako masusundo, expect to be treated like a princess, use sex (or withhold it) to get things done my way, etc." but i just know i can't. because, despite this veneer of a tough girl who likes led zeppelin, i'm wearing braids and doing sunday barbecues in a yellow sundress.

besides, i really don't need anyone to take care of me. most of us don't. sure, it's the most awesome thing when someone wants to do it, but generally, if no one wants to, i'm okay. maybe a little sad, but i'll smile at you.

really. what's wrong with being nice? i've had too many people close to me trying to end their lives that i just became, well, nicer. i mean you never know if what you do, or don't do, say, or don't say could be the last straw for someone around you. i. just. can't. be. a. badass.

and strangely, i'm not ashamed of that. i know i'm no doormat. if you do something bad to me, i'll just forget you. simple. no need to "teach him/her a subtle lesson" or be bitchy about it.

and i wonder what's wrong with that, sometimes. why it doesn't get appreciated much these days. apart from the fact that the world will screw you over, i mean, so what? it's all part of it, and ultimately pretty.

i want to keep my niceness intact, if that's alright with you, you hip, hip world.

maybe when i really can't take it anymore i'll talk weirdly, invent weird but artsy-sounding words or give myself a new, unique nickname so you'll see me in a sexier and kookier light.

bollocks.

there's this part in Love, Actually where Mark goes over to Keira Knightley's character and just tells her how he feels. And as he walks off, she runs to give him a short, sweet kiss.

and he says,

"Enough. Enough now."

Someday soon, I hope.

I'm lucky I learned to be free a long time ago. All this, the way I look, act, talk and style myself. It's not me. It is and will never be me, nor capture all of me quite accurately.

See, the nice girl believes that all these things can be taken away (and will be at some point) but I can still do anything and think anything I want.

Thank you, George Orwell.

for my younger sister's bday, we all hied off to Tagaytay, without a scheduled agenda--a major first for the ronquillo family. we had a picnic, went to the zoo (residence inn) and looked for the palengke. good times =D

just sharing some photos:

Baaaa!

Look, this cow has five legs.

she/he was about 7 feet or something.

these, ducks and chickens were just roaming around the zoo complex.

my dad has always been queer for monkeys.

the real Le Tigra. this tiger was uncaged.

i just like how this seemed to be growing out of the cement.

it would be nice to walk under a canopy of these. imagine walking under these every single day.

yeah...i'm still working on memorizing my cam's lighting features.

always loved gnarly trees...

it was just real pretty. nice retro feel to this gate.

i've been in a slump again the past few, but today was contriving with the trees and my neighbors to make me feel better. sad things have been occupying my thoughts again and the world doesn't seem to want me to feel unhealthy.

before i leave for work, i usually see this baby boy being taken on his morning walk. and we always wave goodbye to each other. today, he waved at me ForEver (meaning he wouldn't quit even as the car was gathering speed).

this evening, as i attempted to catch the last ash wednesday mass after work, i found myself sitting on a pew, waiting as the last mass was finishing up. as people were walking out, this lady (one of the collectors) just suddenly tapped me on the shoulder and said, "magpa-ash ka na don. wala ng mass". and so i did.

all this brings to mind this man who caught me off-guard at the greenbelt park. a couple of months ago, i was sitting in one of the benches behind the fountain, waiting for my friend to meet me after her dinner appointment. as i sat there, thinking about things i probably shouldn't, this malaysian dude just approached me and pointed to the nearby starbucks. "excuse me, i'm visiting from malaysia and i'm meeting a friend there at starbucks. up to what time is it usually open?". i said, "i think up til 1 or 2am". "thanks!". i said, "no problem". then he came back and asked again, "it is open until 12am?". i said, "yes, usually". and he turned to leave again. he abruptly turns back again and says, "you look sad. are you okay?". and i couldn't help but smile at him and say "i'm meeting a friend". and he left saying, "ok, i hope you feel better soon". and it helped a little :-)

and when i got home today, i find a sweet offline message from an unexpected person. it helped a bit, too.

thank you, world. sometimes, you are alright in my book.

People have been asking why there’s a part of me that’s for Proclamation 1017.

The truth is, I don’t agree with all the intimidation of media bit, especially having worked in a distinguished newspaper before.

But see, a government does what it feels it has to. Yes, I do consider that Dear Glory was most likely power-grabbing, but she did it.

Okay, now, so what do we do? Nobody seems to like answering this question after such huge displays of discontentment.

The first EDSA was cool. We got rid of a tyrant and the vibe prevailed for a couple of years after that.

The second one got one shark out of the way. But what did we do after that? Still the same old, same old “pakikisama”, “diskarte” and “pwede na ‘yan”.

That’s something I’ve always hated. That we’ve become a nation of whiners. Yes, it’s our right (hell, yeah!) to demand a better quality of life but it seems that we just want it to be given to us on a silver platter. We complain about everything: increasing taxes, intense traffic, corrupt officials, et. al. But really, who propagates these undesirable things? Motorists don’t even respect the frigging pedestrian lane! And when we’re lazy, we ask fixers to do the dirty work for us. I know it’s hard to get things done quickly and efficiently otherwise, but nobody seems to want to start…except of course when it comes to whining.

We complain about the big picture politics, what’s being done wrong and why nobody’s doing anything about it. But in the little things that we can do something about, we showcase our “support” for such practices. Maybe I’m simplistic (or naïve) but it really confuses me.

I’ve always said that, more than anything, our problem is cultural more than political. We whine and then don’t do anything to help when we get what we want. I said it once and I’ll say it again. It’s effing stupid for a democracy to depend solely on its government for survival. We vote yes but that’s not our only right or obligation.

My belief has always been, “It starts with myself and it’s up to me”, not just “I pay my taxes and deserve better”. Friends, we gotta accept we have more responsibility than that. I dunno, I guess I’m just a sucker for individuals doing things the right, but sometimes long and hard, way.

I realize there are consequences if a government is tyrannical, but, weird as this may sound, I’ve always considered that an external, everyday thing. Sort of like that peklat on your thigh or that noisy cat in your neighborhood. Pesky, but doesn’t define my world. My decision to follow or not follow regulations also bears in consideration the consequences. But I see it in the same vein as, say, deciding to go bungee jumping, I know I could die, but I’d do it. Or eating puffer fish in a Japanese restaurant.

It’s just a government, silly. Sure, it’s powerful, but I’ve always had the contention that individual freedom is way, way mightier if you own it. In the end, nobody can really stop you from doing anything you want or have to.

I guess that’s why there’s a part of me that likes the jolting provided by 1017. If at all, I hope it throws all of us way, way, way leftfield enough to be out of our beloved comfort zones. And I mean not just the comfortable lifestyle. I mean our mental, spiritual and emotional comfort zones, too. I mean being so lost that everything we know and don’t know gets all mixed up and we have no choice but to start again.

One of my favorite comic books, Transmetropolitan, details the resurrected career of fugitive reporter Spider Jerusalem. One oft-quoted line is “Journalism is a gun with only one bullet, but if you aim it right you can blow a kneecap off the world” (or something like that).

And you know what he does when similar restrictions are placed on his journalistic powers? He explores all the other underground avenues and lives his truth by talking to people and fighting it out on the street, where it matters, and where little things can always start to snowball and affect changes up the ladder.

Journalism is your tool. It doesn’t need the established modes of communication. All it needs is an audience. And audience there is aplenty.

But if you’re one of those “enlightened, intelligent” individuals, I’m sure you’ll tell me, “Oh my poor Zane, but that’s fiction. Come here in the real world and see that your ideas, good as they are, Just Don’t Apply.”

Well, I am out here, and our collective desire to keep our own lifestyle rivals that of the politicians we hate so much. That sort of does make me want to retreat into the world of my books.

I am free no matter what anybody says.

And on that note, let me go read 1984 again.